The photos are of our children when they were at home. Today, all our children are married… Kristen~age 31, Brandon~age 27 and Melinda~age 25
Continuation of “Special Time With Mom” Kept our Daughter From Rebelling
“Special time with Mom” took planning and effort, but was well worth the 20-30 minutes daily for at least 4 times a week. You might be thinking, “Oh no, not another thing to add to my schedule!” I figured the time invested was better than the heartache of rebellion.
Proverbs 3:21-23 “My son… keep sound wisdom and discretion: So shall they be life unto thy soul…Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble.”
I made it pleasant for the children. It was called “Special Time”, and our children loved it. Sometimes, if our children wanted to be with me or to talk, they would ask, “May I have Special Time with you?” Parents naturally have their children’s hearts when they are little; but often lose their hearts as their children grow older. I wanted to do EVERYTHING possible to keep our children’s hearts.
Keeping our children’s hearts was a PASSION of mine.
It was one-on-one time, eye-to-eye contact and a focused time.
What I did during “Special time with Mom”:
- I LISTENED to whatever was on their minds.
- I ASKED GOOD QUESTIONS to find out what was going on with them.
- I asked if I, as a mother, could do anything better, or if I had OFFENDED them in any way. I APOLOGIZED and sought FORGIVENESS when necessary.
- I encouraged them about the CHARACTER QUALITIES I saw in them. I used the list of character qualities downloaded from: ATI Character Qualities. I considered this list a tool to reach our goal of
developing godly character. Homeschooling was also a tool in order for us to reach the goals we had for our family. I still carry a copy of these character qualities in the pocket of my Bible, because I will always be learning. Learning good character is not just for kids.
- I TAUGHT them the Bible (discipled them). Jesus was my example. Jesus did not send his disciples away to “disciple school,” but kept them near Him to teach them.
- I PRAYED with them.
- We LAUGHED and ENJOYED one another’s company.
- I taught them how to journal when they had their Quiet Time when they were young. As they grew older, they SHARED THEIR JOURNAL of their Quiet Time with me during Special Time.
The main purpose of “Special Time With Mom” was to have a good close relationship (fellowship) with each child, to be on top of things; to know what was on their minds in order to keep their hearts. It was also a time of discipleship, because it meant everything to me for our children to know the Lord and glorify Him with their lives.
You may have the privilege of leading your child to the Lord during this time. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11) I had the awesome privilege of leading all of our children to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ at a young age.
One day, our daughter-in-law, Jodi and I went out thrift store shopping, and we were talking about some things we did as kids. Later, when Jodi and I got back, I asked Brandon in a lighthearted way, if he had done some things I didn’t know about when he was little. Brandon laughed saying, “Are you kidding Mom? You knew everything I did, and the things you didn’t know, I just told you.” We laughed about that!
Special time with Mom worked great! There were no secrets kept from me. Our children did not want to keep secrets from me. We had a close relationship.
Even when Brandon went off to Bible College in California, which was 33 hours from where we lived, he called practically everyday. Calling home was his own choice. We did not ask him to call. Brandon called because he wanted to share with us everything going on in his life.
Years before Brandon left for college, his Dad said with tears, “There may come a time when you will be embarrassed to hug your dad while your friends are with you.” Brandon looked at his Dad in a shocked way, saying “Dad, I would never ever be ashamed to hug you.” And, do you know what? Brandon would run up to his parents right in front of his college friends and give us both bear hugs.
It is the wise parent who has a “one-on-one” regularly scheduled time with each child to build a relationship when the child is at home to keep the child’s heart.
The wise parent must know when to put into practice, “I must decrease.” When the son or daughter reaches a certain age of adulthood or gets married, whichever comes first, the fellowship changes. One-on-one fellowship is no longer for the parent to be on top of things, to keep the child’s heart or a teaching time, but instead, turns into the wonderful fellowship of pure enjoyment of one adult enjoying the fellowship of another adult.
If you were to ask me what I liked best about homeschooling, my answer would be, “The incredibly wonderful relationship I had with each of our children as a
result of “Special Time with Mom.”
Do you dream of a peaceful home? Cultivate a close relationship by having one-on-one time with all family members. When I say “peaceful home,” I am not speaking of a quiet home. Our peaceful home was a home of loving considerate relationships and contented happy hearts with the Lord at the center.