For thirty three years, I have been married to Barry, my beloved. If I had it to do over again, I would marry, Barry. I have no regrets about marrying my husband. Has everything been “happily ever after” like I initially thought it would be? No, “happily ever after” is only in fairy tales. Barry and I have been through rough times, which in turn have made our marriage stronger. I cherish him even more today than ever. Vowing to stay together for better and for worse is real life. Love is a commitment. True love is devotion. “Charity (love in action)…Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)
Over thirty six years ago, I met Barry at a Campus Crusade for Christ Bible Study at Louisiana State University. Barry is my college sweetheart. After we both graduated, Barry proposed to me, and I said, “Yes.” Then, I said, “No”. Then I said, “Yes” again. Then I said, “No”. Finally, I asked Barry to marry me and six months later, we became husband and wife. Barry teases about how I was the one who proposed to him, and technically my proposal was the one that “took.” 🙂
Barry and I dated for three and one half years before we married. It was such a relief when God showed me in my heart that Barry was the one for me. I took marriage seriously, and I needed to hear from God before I married. Divorce was not an option for me. When I cried out to God to reveal whether I should marry Barry, God made it clear to me that he was the one.
Let me stop here and say that I believe God will show every child of His who they are to marry if they cry out to Him and diligently seek Him about the matter. Barry says to me often, “We have had a good life, haven’t we, wife?” Yes, I agree! We have had a good life together through thick and thin. Melinda told me yesterday that her Dad was the perfect Dad for her. Aww. God knew who I needed to marry. Barry is the perfect husband for me.
Barry truly is my best friend. I can say along with the bride of Song of Solomon 3:4, “I found him whom my soul loveth…” If you have read any of my posts encouraging your children to make a big deal when Daddy comes home from work, I don’t have to act like I am excited when my hubby arrives. When I hear the sound of his truck coming up our driveway, my heart flips and I know I am beaming, because I can feel happy beams radiating. I love sharing my life with Barry, my beloved.
I can remember as an immature young bride hearing three different husbands brag on how romantic they were with their wives. These husbands would plan romantic getaways, flowers, gifts and seemed so in-love with their wives in public. Their marriages gave me the impression that they were almost too wonderful to be true. Well, their marriages were just that! To my shock, all three of these men ran off with other women. After that, it never mattered again to me if my husband ever bought me flowers.
Barry said it was okay to mention that he is not the romantic type. One time, my husband sent me flowers. I answered the door thinking the delivery man must have the wrong address, and that the flowers were for my neighbor. My neighbor’s husband was constantly sending flowers to his wife, because she was continuously kicking him out of the house after they had a big fight. Sometimes the delivery man would accidentally bring her flowers to my home.
Let us never compare our husband in a bad light with another lady’s husband, who we imagine is a knight in shining armor. No husband is a knight in shining armor. We have watched too many fairy tales. Our husband will feel like his shortcomings are being magnified, and he will not be able to thrive as well in that kind of atmosphere. Also, our children will notice our discontentment, and they may not thrive as well either. God says we are not wise if we compare. “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” (2Co 10:12)
I have counseled wives. After comparing my marriage, I come away grateful. Knowing how some husbands treated them, you can value your husband for this sole reason: If you have a nice husband who comes home to you each day, you have a treasure, a friend for life. He may not be as romantic as others, he may have a fault that gets on your last nerve, but a nice and faithful man is to be esteemed. Value and magnify his good attributes in your mind. Bury his faults in the backyard, and stop digging them up.
How many people marry thinking they will change a person? That never works. We need to teach our daughters this very thing. God puts within ladies a nurturing nature which is intended for their future children or to teach children. Young ladies must not misuse this nurturing nature thinking they can make changes in a man after they are married. He didn’t marry so he could have another mama. Marrying a man thinking you can change him is a recipe for failure and disappointment. We marry to live our lives in love with each other. We marry because we accept one another.
I am grateful for my husband. He might not be romantic, but I think our relationship is magical. And, yes, magical relationships are not just for fairy tales. A marriage relationship becomes magical when the wife chooses to captivate her mind with the positive attributes of her husband.
In my eyes, my husband is wonderful and ever so smart. If your husband were to see himself through your eyes, what kind of man would he see? Today, think of what is good about your husband and let him know how much he is valued. Let us build our husband up and let us be his biggest cheerleader.
“Dear Lord, Give me wisdom as a wife. Comparing my husband in a negative way with another is foolish and destructive. Today, help me to magnify his strengths in my mind and bury his faults. Today, and this day forward, let me see my husband through eyes of love, respect, appreciation and contentment. Show me how to demonstrate gratefulness to my husband, who is my beloved…In the precious Name of my Saviour and Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.”