“Thank You For Praying For My Husband When I Was Single”

Yesterday, I posted in “Heaven Bound Homemaker” marriage section, a letter I wrote to our daughter, Melinda before she married!

“Write It On My Tombstone: You Have The Best Marriage Of Anyone I Know”

This is a text I received from Melinda after she had been married to Jeremy for 8 months:

“I came home and Jeremy had 50 helium balloons covering the ceiling with a love note inside EACH of them, chocolates and candies laid out… and a card, ‘Just Because’.  Thank you Mom and Dad for praying for my husband when I was single.  I love my Jeremy, so much!”

 

 

Write It On My Tombstone: “You Have The Best Marriage Of Anyone I Know”

A letter written to Melinda, our daughter before she married!

Daughter, as your Dad and I celebrated our 30th anniversary, you gave me the greatest compliment I think I have ever received in my life. You told your Dad and me that we have the best marriage of anyone you know.  Because you are our daughter who lives with us, who sees and hears practically everything in our home, this is an enormous encouragement to me.

Several years ago, I don’t think I would have heard those same words from you. My priorities were mixed up. I was putting you and your siblings ahead of my relationship with my husband. God is a God of order and when we get His order “out of order”, there are huge problems.  I am writing this to you, so you will not make the same mistakes I made when you get married in a few months.  Sons and daughters will cry for our attention, but we must put the Lord first, our husband next and our children 3rd.

Years ago, I sensed in my Quiet time that I needed to get my priorities straight. I never have been one to settle for mediocre; I want to score “Excellent” when I stand before the Lord. Something needed to change quickly and that something was “me”.  I knew in several years, we would have an empty nest and it would just be my husband and me, which is happening right now as I write.  It was then, I reversed the priorities and did it God’s way, the best way.  I started putting my husband ahead of you and your brother and sister and began working hard each day to have a happy marriage-to make my husband happy.

1.  The most important step was: I took my husband off of my “husband improvement program” and decided to work on fixing myself instead.  I daily worked on making him happy and left my expectations of him behind. I use the word “work” because a good marriage takes hard work daily. Expectations do more to damage relationships than anything else. Psalm 62:5 “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.”  I learned to give expectations to the Lord.  I threw marriage books away that taught how a husband should treat a wife so I would not be discontent and I focused on my duties before my Lord and husband.

2.    I made a list of good qualities of my husband in my Bible and I read them often. I daily tell him specifically how great he is to me and pray the Lord will continually give me a deeper appreciation for my husband. I magnify in my mind his good qualities.  We are a crown to our husband when we are grateful and he will be proud to show us off in public.  Pr 12:4a “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.”

3.   I daily ask the Lord for wisdom to have the best marriage this side of heaven, and God promises to give me bountiful wisdom. Jas 1:5 “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

4.   I help other ladies with marital problems.  This is a great way to learn gratefulness.

5.   I study my husband, learn what pleases him and make the extra effort to say and do those things, living to make him happy and successful. Pr 31:23 “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

A.  The Bible teaches a husband’s number one need is respect, so I started being careful how I worded our disagreements in order to show him reverence. This has probably been my most difficult area.  Pr.31:12 “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”  I have this Scripture by my makeup mirror, so I read and pray it each morning.

B.  I learned to think happy thoughts (Phil 4:8) and to be more light-hearted, positive and fun; instead of hitting him with problems when he came home from work. Timing is important; my wording and tone is also important.

These are three areas in my life, I want to finish well:

1.  I want to know, love and obey the Lord all the days of my life.

2.  I want to have the best marriage possible this side of heaven.

3.  I want to be known as a wise and loving mother.

So, daughter, it would be an honor to me for you to write your quote on my tombstone: “She had the best marriage of anyone I know.”  Your mother will be smiling in heaven.

P.S. I hope and pray that you, daughter will have a much better marriage than your parents, and your own children will tell you, “You have the best marriage of anyone we know.”

 

The Hardest Question To Ask My Husband!

Every wise wife will frequently ask her husband, “How is it living with me?”

That is the hardest question for me to ask my husband. I practically start shaking in my boots after I ask that question.

I don’t know why I sometimes think my husband should view my faults as adorable. Could it be I get my thinking tainted from watching romance movies? I’m talking about the clean movies like the Jane Austen movies. I admit it, those are my favorites. In real life marriages, those feisty women are not appealing to husbands.  Husbands of feisty women can become harsh men or wimpy men.  I don’t want my husband to be either. 

Who else am I going to get to tell me my blind spots if it is not the person who knows me best of all, the person who lives in my house with me, my husband?  We all need to be sharpened. “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)

1.  Before a wife asks her husband this loaded question, it is important to lay down personal ammunition first. You know some of the ammo we women use:

  • Tears:     “That is so hurtful!”
  • Excuses:  “I can’t help it! My mother before me, and her mother before her….”
  • Blame:     “Well, if you didn’t ________, I wouldn’t _______.    

2.        Before asking this loaded question, brace yourself for the possible “ouch” to come, by completely surrendering to the Lord. Ask the Lord to fill you with the Holy Spirit and for Him to be “humble” in and through you.

3.       After getting an answer to this loaded question, sweetly thank your husband and get to work making the necessary changes. I am still learning, “No pain, No gain”! 

 

 

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Heaven!

Men are from Mars, Women are from Heaven… oops, Is that right? 🙂 

I have never read that popular book, but I have heard it is very good.  Let me tell you of one of the many times I felt like my husband was from Mars, and I am sure, he felt like I was from Venus.

For our “Anniversary Get-away”, Barry was very sweet and told me to plan it.  Well, I planned our special trip to an amusement park we had never been to before.  Why? We had wonderful memories of family vacations to amusement parks.  I even thought it thrilling to ride the roller coasters, but not as much as Barry.  I thought we both would have the time of our lives together.   

The day arrived for our “happy getaway”. This particular amusement park was known for its beautiful landscape with wild animals roaming the land,  plus its many roller coasters. Unknown to the other, we each had our own private expectations.

My husband’s expectation:  “This amusement park is known for its roller coasters, so Linda and I will run as fast as we can from roller coaster to roller coaster all day long. Of course, we will hold hands as we run.”

My expectation:  “Barry and I will hold hands and stroll through the lush terrain and view all the exotic animals together taking in a roller coaster every once in a while along the way.” 

What actually happened? I will leave the gory details of this get-away to your imagination 🙂

Let’s put it this way:  I should have never planned a get-away to an amusement park if I was thinking “Romantic”. 

I am still trying to learn the following lessons:

1.  Good Communication is key.

2.  Private Expectations are killers. 

3.  Learn to Laugh at life a little more.

4.  Next time my husband says, “Why don’t you plan a get-away for the two of us”, I will remember, “I never want to see another roller coaster again”! 🙂

33 years ago I married my best buddy, Barry!

33 years ago, I married my best buddy, Barry.

We met at Louisiana State University at a Campus Crusade For Christ Bible Study.  I was a new Christian.  I walked into the room and my first words to Barry as I motioned to the empty seat next to him was, “Is this seat taken?”  Barry teases me now about me being forward.

He said his first thoughts about me were, “Wow, she has a beautiful smile, and I like her long curly hair.” We dated for 3 1/2 years and were married on June 23, 1979.  If I had it to do all over again, I would not change a thing, and I would marry Barry. Next to salvation, Barry has been the best thing in my life!!!