“Special Time With Mom” Kept Our Daughter from Rebelling

“Special Time With Mom” was what Kristen said kept her from rebelling. Kristen is now a Pastor’s wife and mother of four. She is homeschooling her eldest.

Our heart’s desire toward our Lord should be “that I may know Him“. Philippians 3:10.

Our heart’s desire toward our children should be “that I may know them, and for them to know Him.” Why? So we can have a close relationship with our children to keep their hearts and win them to Jesus.

Knowing the Lord through close daily fellowship, conversing with Him is how we show God we love Him. By getting to know our sons and daughters through tenderly conversing individually with each one is one of the ways we show we love and care about them. This close fellowship we have with our children should endure the test of time. It is wonderful to be able to keep our son’s and daughter’s hearts, so when crucial decision times come, they will trust our wisdom. The goal is not controlling our sons and daughters; the goal is to guide them into making wise life decisions.

To keep our son’s and daughter’s hearts, we must earn their trust. Because we had our daughter, Melinda’s heart, at a critical time in her life, we as her parents were able to guide her to realize a young man was not God’s best for her nor was she God’s best for him. Today, Melinda is happily married to Jeremy, a godly man, who grew up in the mission field. His parents are second generation missionaries.

We must win our son’s and daughter’s respect to keep their hearts. Even if we think what a young child has to say is unimportant, remember to listen with respect to him anyway. Why?  Because it is important to the child. If we show respect, he will more than likely listen to his parent’s wisdom when he reaches his teen years. Our son and daughter’s teen years were our favorite years!

I spent 20-30 minutes with each child daily for at least three days a week. Each child loved “Special Time With Mom.”

What “Special Time With Mom” was not:  I did not correct the child during this time.  If I had used this time to get on to them, they would not have looked forward to it and it would have been “Dreaded Time With Mom”.

During “Special Time With Mom”:

1.  I praised him for his character.

2.  I listened to him to know what was important to him.

3.  I encouraged him to walk with the Lord.

4.  I asked him how I could do better as a Mom (also, if I needed to apologize).

5.  I prayed with the child.

  • I got to know our son and daughters very, very well.
  • They knew me very, very well.
  • I listened to them and found out what they thought.
  • It was a time of transparency. I asked if I had hurt them and if so, I would apologize. I asked how I could improve in areas.
  • I gave 100% focused attention to each and loving eye contact with each child when it was their one-one-one time.
  • This individual time spent with each child kept me “on top” of what was going on with them.
  • I even asked questions about siblings, and it was not considered tattling.  I had their loyalty.

You might say, “Well, that is easy for you to do.  You had 3 children, and I have 10 children.”  How wonderful to have a large family!  Susanna Wesley is your inspiration.  Mrs. Wesley had 19 children and spent an hour a week one-on-one with each child. I wonder if her godly sons,  John and Charles Wesley would have made such an impact in this world if Suzanna, their mother, had not taken the time to have “special one-on-one-time” with each child?

At a Homeschool Conference, when I spoke on keeping our children from worldliness, “Special Time With Mom” was what most mothers said they had never thought about before and were excited to put it into practice.

Hope this helps 🙂  Please let me know what you think.  May your children grow up to love the LORD with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength!

Dorothy Castaneda

This was very helpful, thank you for sharing from your heart. I am preparing to speak at a motor/daughter retreat, and this has given me a couple of ideas to use.

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Dorothy,

I am so glad that you are passing on the suggestions. I am praying the retreat will be a blessing for all families.

With Love,
Linda Hoover

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